This is a conversation my husband and I have pretty much every single day:
HUSBAND: Babe, did you just say…
ME: Yes. Yes, I did.
HUSBAND: (Shakes head) Oh.
I’ve read a lot of books. I’ve seen a lot of movies. Much, much dialogue has passed through my eyes and ears. But I am still surprised at the things that come out of my mouth as a parent.
I’m also surprised with the frequency of such commentary, and the casual tone it tends to have these days, now that I am so used to the need to say this sort of stuff.
Things I Have Actually Said To My Kids This Week*:
Nobody’s throwing anybody out the window.
Get your butt out of her face. NOW. And don’t say “butt”.
Are you calling my name or roaring like a dinosaur?
Rinse and spit in the SINK. NOT the floor.
We can’t always be naked.
Please don’t brush your hair with the fork, there’s egg on it.
We can’t keep the worm as a pet. Because I said so. No. No. No. No. No. I SAID NO.
Get that glue OUT of your MOUTH.
I am not in control of the seasons.
Please make sure everyone gets a chance to play with the fire salad.
*Yes, just this week. And this is only a sampling. Oh boy.
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