I may have mentioned before that I have an innate ability to remember lyrics to songs.
What I likely have not mentioned, is that sometimes I make up new lyrics to amuse myself.
One day, a couple of weeks ago, I was driving in my car after dropping the kids off at school. It was one of those mornings when they both got up way early, I was doling out Time Outs before 7:30am and issuing threats for international boarding schools if they didn’t Just Stop It. If they didn’t have school that day, I probably would have run away. Not sure where to. Probably just to the closest place that sells large glasses of wine with cheesecake chasers.
Anyway, a little song we all know and love came on the radio as I pulled away from the curb and the new lyrics popped into my head, making me laugh to myself for the first time that day.
Since then, when a particular phrase comes to mind at the peak of my frustration with the kids, my lyrics come to mind, make me laugh again and calm me down.
I’ve been wanting to share them, and hope that those of you coming here for the first time realize that though I dedicate this song to my kids, I do actually usually like them.
I present to you my version of Cee Lo Green’s “F*** You”.
Here’s the original (“Forget You”) video to sing my lyrics along to:
I see you drawin’ on the walls when I told you not
And I’m like, F*** you! Ooo-ooooo
You are a whiney little bugger, she’s an annoying tot
So I’m like, F*** you! And f*** her too!
I said, if I was richer, there’d be a way to ditch ya
Full time nanny and sh** (a nanny and sh**!)
And although you ruined my breasts I still love you the best
But with a…F*** you! Ooo-ooooo
~
Throwin’ tantrums in the kitchen
Throwin’ tantrums on the mall floor
Don’t help cause I got stuff to do.
Again you’re fighting with your brother
Could ya keep it to a dull roar?
This noise kinda makes me wanna sell you.
~
I pity the fooooooool
that cleans up after you.
(That kid’s one Crazy Mutha)
Well (just thought you should know mama)
Ooooooh I’ve got some news for you:
Yeah, you might wanna put down that crayon.
~
I see you drawin’ on the walls when I told you not
And I’m like, F*** you! Ooo-ooooo
You are a whiney little bugger, she’s an annoying tot
So I’m like, F*** you! And f*** her too!
I said, if I was richer, there’d be a way to ditch ya
Full time nanny and sh** (a nanny and sh**!)
And although you ruined my breasts I still love you the best
But with a…F*** you! Ooo-ooooo
~
Now I know,
that I had to borrow,
Threat and bribe and beg and cheat.
Trying to trick ya,
trying to please ya.
I’d do anything to get your ass to sleep.
~
I pity the foooooool
that cleans up after you.
(That kid’s one Crazy Mutha)
Well (just thought you should know mama)
Ooooooh
I’ve got some news for you
Ooh! I can’t stand your cute little asses right now.
~
I see you drawin’ on the walls when I told you not
And I’m like, F*** you! Ooo-ooooo
You are a whiney little bugger, she’s an annoying tot
So I’m like, F*** you! And f*** her too!
I said, if I was richer, there’d be a way to ditch ya
Full time nanny and sh** (a nanny and sh**!)
And although you ruined my breasts I still love you the best
But with a…F*** you! Ooo-ooooo
~
Now babies, babies, babies, why d’you wanna wanna drive me so mad?
(so mad, so mad, so mad)
I tried my best but now I think I’m gonna hafta call in your dad
(your dad, your dad, your dad)
(Cause I need a drink.)
Ugh! Whiiiiinnnne…
Ugh! Whiiiiiinnnne..
Oh! Wine, babyyyy…..
Oh! I need a…
Oh! I need a glaaaasss….
Noooooow!
~
I see you drawin’ on the walls when I told you not
Oohhh… F*** you! Ooo-ooooo
You are a whiney little bugger, she’s an annoying tot
So I’m like, F*** you! And f*** her too!
I said, if I was richer, there’d be a way to ditch ya
Full time nanny and sh** (a nanny and sh**!)
And although you ruined my breasts I still love you the best
But with a…F*** you! Ooo-ooooo
* Original Post Lightly Edited February 2012, to correct typos, etc…
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If you like what you read here, please click the VOTE FOR ME! brown banner below. A click on this each time you visit helps gain me more readers from the Top Mommy Blogs website, which will obviously help my music career. Okay, not really. But maybe Cee Lo will Tweet me for advice next time he plans to write a Grammy-nominated song. You never know.
omg.
awesome
really. LOL.
Glad you liked it. I think it is my new anthem.
I love that song….but I’m pretty sure I love your lyrics more.
Just fantastic.
Thanks, Susan!
That is some serious dedication. Did you do that all in your head?!
Most of it, yeah. My head is a weird place that only remembers completely useless information.
Such as songs about telling my kids to f*** off.
We should really find a way to build an “Adore” button for your posts. Way to knock it out of the park again.
Ha! Thanks, Heather. I’m click it right back at ya.
I am obsessed with that song…it’s bad. I play it over and over.
Your version is great! This part made me laugh out loud: “And although you ruined my breasts I still wish you the best.”
Oh, they did ruin my breasts. Little bastards. They’re lucky I love them to bits.
You know I have done stuff like that from time to time with songs and my 4 kids yell at me LOL….. You truly made me laugh out loud…..thanks you for giving me a great beginning to a soon to be crappy work day ……………awesome..
You have my permission to sing this to your kids at any time….
That. Is. AWESOME!!!!!
I will never hear that song the same way, again, LOL!
Glad you liked it!
I love it! Too freakin funny. I’m with you on making up my own lyrics. However, I’m a little bit different because I swear I hear these things. I always thought “Rock the Casbah” was “Rock the Cash Bar” – I have many more where that came from! We should exchange notes.
Lol – if it helps, I am a much bigger fan of rocking cash bars than I am of going to the Casbah to rock that.
How clever! You have a gift for sure.
Ha – thanks!
Impossibly awesome. I just hope I don’t find myself mindlessly singing it outloud… “So I’m like f*** you and f*** her too…” priceless!
Glad you like it!
Instead of saying it aloud, just do what I do: Flip the kids off behind their backs. It makes me feel just a wee bit better when they aggravate me.
OMG!! I found this on Motherhood, WTF’s blog, and I am definitely with you on all of it! If you would seriously do recording and put that on YouTube, it’d go viral! Thank you for making me laugh!! =)
If someone could do all the legwork for me, I’d totally do a video. Terrible voice and all.
I’m so glad I got a laugh out of you!
you forgot about teenagers. because there isnt anything more fuck-you worthy than a mouthy teen who rolled his eyes that one last time and slammed their door.
nope.
Ooooh….I have a feeling that in about 10 years I will re-edit the song as an ode to my own 2 teenagers.
HAHAHA! Thanks so much for making my child induced headache tolerable for a moment! This was great!
Thanks! I get those a lot (thus…you know, the song….).
I loved your version – and I don’t even have any kids!
That may be the highest compliment yet!
Thanks for stopping by my blog! This totally made me giggle. Will probably be stuck in my head all day!
Oh goodness! Clever and creative! And I do love that song. A lot.
Thanks for saying so! I love that an F-Bomb Song got nominated for Grammys. Awesomeness.
OMG. We’re like…on the same wavelength or something. You should have heard the “Farewell to Milk” I set to “Sounds of Silence”. Oh yeah, baby. lol
Sorry I missed it! I love changing lyrics. Oh, the little ways we find to amuse ourselves…
That was pretty cool.
Why thank you, Jack.
Someone started a WC/LJ/CC thread on Facebook. I asked about you and they pointed me into this hilarious direction of your blog. This post has me rolling. I love it!!!
Thank you for saying so! Come on back, anytime!!
That’s awesome! I love my kids, too, but some days they drive me up a freaking wall!!! In the song parody genre, have you seen Kelley’s Break Room http://www.kelleysbreakroom.com/? She has a whole tab of them. I did one a couple of weeks ago that’s called “Non-Bloggers Just Don’t Understand” a la Will Smith.
Fun!!!
How funny! No, I didn’t know that other people do this. Will have to check that out…
This is simply brilliant! I won’t be able to hear this song again without thinking of this! Bravo!
Thanks! I can’t hear it without singing this version now…
OH HOW FUNNY! I just stumbled across your blog thanks to the Domestic Diva. I LOVE IT!
Thanks! I love my Diva. She funny stuff.
Lmao! This is so my new anthem….. Your blog has me LOL eternally!
And you KNOW that whenever this comes on the radio, I belt out my version. Because that’s what mature moms do.
This is hilarious. It all happens in your house, too? You should totally start a career as a lyricist
Oh, if only I could get paid to do these ridiculous things…
Bahaha! I like this version way better than the original.
Sarcasm Goddess recently posted..You Googled What? – Anal Probe Edition
Thank you! Now go tell Cee Lo.
Love it! BUT….if you think it gets better when they are older and no longer play with crayons…no longer make big messes….don’t kid yourself. At least they are super sweet and cut at times… when they get older…it is all stress 24/7… sexting, movies/mall alone, Facebook, texting boys, friends, periods….U.G.H. An entirely new “F@CK you” will need to be written.
Ugh, I am pretending that they will be the only 2 teenagers ever to never ever get in trouble or sass their mother.
Please don’t make me even think about those years, yet! *hides head*
So excellent. How can you not crack yourself up when you hear these in your head? Must make it so much easier to get through the day! Found you at Finding the Funny.
sparkling74 recently posted..Drumming Up Business Any Way They Can
Oh, I DO walk around laughing to myself when this stuff comes up in my head. And I guarantee it makes me look like the town’s resident Crazy Person. Oh well!
Oh my!!!! Haaaaa!!!! I LOVED that! I was cracking up. Girrrrrrrl, you good at those lyrics and shi%. This was perfect for #findingthefunny!
Kelley recently posted..I am NOT Napoleon Dynamite’s Sister
I don’t know why I didn’t think to share this one earlier, but I’m glad you liked it!
You’ve done it again! Top 5 links from last week’s party – we’re featuring you tomorrow! (And I pinned this!)
Anna recently posted..Picking on Even Steven
Woo hoo! That’s a nice surprise.
Thank youuu….and see you in the morning.
You have helped me find a way to like this song because I’m in the minority and hate that song. You’re lyrics are awesome. Now we need to get a fabulous mommy singer to sing it. Let’s see, how about J-Lo?
Debbie recently posted..Losing the Light
If I sang this to you will my off-key voice and well-practiced hand gestures? You’d fall in love with the song.
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That is awesome.
Clarissa recently posted..Recipe- BBQ Chicken Pizza
And so are you for saying so.
OMG, this is AWESOME. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sing it any other way. Thank you!
The Bearded Iris recently posted..A Full Circle Sausage Moment
You’re welcome.
I think you have a hit there!
Paula @lkg4sweetspot recently posted..Today’s Best Moment: Friday, March 9
If only I could hold a note…sigh…
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