Why Parenting is Like Clubbing in NYC

(Because Brenna told me to.)

1. When you walk into a bathroom you find someone squatting over the toilet, peeing on the seat.

2. The dress code appears to be Clothing Optional.

3. Everyone around you is using only their Outdoor Voice.

4. It always ends up being way more expensive an experience than you thought.

5. You arrive well-dressed and optimistic.  You end up a weary disheveled mess with unidentifiable scraps of paper in your pockets.

6. There’s a girl wearing smeared glittery eye shadow spilling drink down the front of her shirt each time she takes a sip.

7. You regret wearing a nice shirt the moment that wobbly glittery girl ends up spilling her drink on you, too.

8. Due to the overall noise level, you spend most of your time repeating yourself.

9. Your shoes stick to the floor.

10. You’re surrounded by sweaty, confused people who never stop moving.

11. People keep getting yelled at for dancing on the tables.

12. When someone corners you and won’t stop talking, you just nod and smile politely hoping he’ll eventually give up and go away.

13. By the end of the night you reek of booze and desperation.

14. You recall getting the stamp on your right hand, but not the other three on your left.

15. When paying for coffee, you accidentally pull yesterday’s underwear out of your bag, instead of the wad of cash you meant to grab.

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12 reasons why parenting is like clubbing in nyc by Kim Bongiorno

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  1. says

    Number 7 is my favorite. Just finished wiping some yogurt of my cute top. The fact that all my “cute” tops are made of sweatshirt material maybe means that I’m going to a high school rave, rather than a hip NYC club.

    Just clicked over to vote for you. Glad to be back connected to a computer and reading!

  2. Julie says

    Oh man, that is so true it’s scary. Though the underwear in my bag are likely not my own, but belong to a 4 year old prone to laziness.

  3. says

    Like Brenna, I especially appreciated #13. After one particularly drunken night when I lived in New York, I came into the office to an e-mail from a strange guy saying he had a great time last night and definitely wanted to take me up on my offer to loan him my PBS videos. Um…I don’t know. I’m special.

  4. says

    LOL – not even. I was horrified (it was my “New York” series by Ric Burns) and wrote back that I realized I had already loaned it to someone else. Of course, I never planned to see this guy again. Too funny.

  5. says

    OMG. Dying laughing. This. Is. Awesome. Today I can especially identify with:

    #3 – I don’t think my girls even have an indoor voice.
    #5 – I try not to wear t-shirts and yoga pants every day. The days I don’t I regret it.
    #9 – No matter what attempts I make to clean them, my floors always crunch when I walk.
    #13 – ‘Nuff said.

    • says

      I feel like I have about 10 things I say over and over again, like ‘don’t do that’, ‘put on your underwear’, ‘eat your food’, ‘get your coat on’, ‘leave your brother alone’, etc. Nothing new ever leaves my mouth. Le sigh.

  6. says

    Hilarious! Sometimes I feel like I’ve been slipped a drug in my drink, but then I just realize I’m dizzy from the 3 little people screaming and running circles around me all morning. Leaves me confused, scared, and not sure where I am most days.

    So glad to have found your blog!

  7. says

    I am so happy that I found your blog via Weekend Link-Up! I am your newest follower!
    I think you are sooo right! Especially the sticky floor and repeating yourself! Love this post and so voted for you.

  8. says

    I had to go look up your twitter handle and tweet about this before I came back to comment. Laughing. So. Hard. Oh my gosh YES to everything. the one I’m going to be quoting as I talk to people today is this one:

    6. There’s a girl wearing smeared glittery eye shadow spilling drink down the front of her shirt each time she takes a sip.

    Great post. I hope you get lots and lots of hits to this one!

  9. Alexis says

    Just stumbled across here while looking at my bookmarks. Totally forgot about your gem of a blog. So glad I found it again. Uz funny, K. :)

    BTW, I clicked the banner to vote for you and it just took me to the main page of the voting. Did I do something wrong?

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