Why Parenting is Like Clubbing in NYC

(Because Brenna told me to.)

1. When you walk into a bathroom you find someone squatting over the toilet, peeing on the seat.

2. The dress code appears to be Clothing Optional.

3. Everyone around you is using only their Outdoor Voice.

4. It always ends up being way more expensive an experience than you thought.

5. You arrive well-dressed and optimistic.  You end up a weary disheveled mess with unidentifiable scraps of paper in your pockets.

6. There’s a girl wearing smeared glittery eye shadow spilling drink down the front of her shirt each time she takes a sip.

7. You regret wearing a nice shirt the moment that wobbly glittery girl ends up spilling her drink on you, too.

8. Due to the overall noise level, you spend most of your time repeating yourself.

9. Your shoes stick to the floor.

10. You’re surrounded by sweaty, confused people who never stop moving.

11. People keep getting yelled at for dancing on the tables.

12. When someone corners you and won’t stop talking, you just nod and smile politely hoping he’ll eventually give up and go away.

13. By the end of the night you reek of booze and desperation.

14. You recall getting the stamp on your right hand, but not the other three on your left.

15. When paying for coffee, you accidentally pull yesterday’s underwear out of your bag, instead of the wad of cash you meant to grab.

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12 reasons why parenting is like clubbing in nyc by Kim Bongiorno

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