1. My kids are assigned to bring Valentines into class. Sounds cute, right? Wrong. If I heard Mr. T tell me one more time how it makes him “so bored and tired” to write his name out on all 15 valentines I’d stick my head in the oven. And ever try to get a 3.5yo obstinate girl with nothing on her mind but hosting tea parties and lemonade stands for all her toys to sit still and write out 10 valentines with the names of all her classmates? Then put her name on all 10 as well? The teacher gave us a week to get this done. I’m hoping it’s finished by Valentine’s Day 2012.
2. Frigging chocolate. Try being allergic to it this time of year. Now try LOVING AND MISSING IT WITH ALL OF YOUR BEING because up until this metabolic intolerance kicked in around age 15, you used to eat it almost every day of your life with a reverence bordering on obsession. Now. Leave your house and try to find someplace – any place! – that isn’t simply teeming with chocolate beauties in every form, begging you to buy them and eat them. Just trying to get though the grocery store without having to dash past aisles of the stuff in pink and red wrappings in order to prevent inhaling too much of it or accidentally touching a rogue truffle on the counter at Starbucks is daily torture.
3. Now imagine your kids are allergic, too, and every where you go there are bins and bowls and displays and racks overflowing with bite-sized candies within easy reach of their fast little hands. Just one nibble could send them projectile vomiting within minutes, followed by spraying violent diarrhea around your car as you dash to the ER. Super duper!
4. The really, really, really stupid jewelry commercials. I want to punch every one of these dolts buying ugly bracelets for the oh-so-surprised women in their lives in the throat. Every kiss does not begin with K. It begins with a box of zinfandel and him bringing home a dinner she doesn’t actually have to cook for once.
5. I have no less than four events coming up that I need my babysitter for. She isn’t available for a single one of them. When is she free? Valentine’s Day. Who the hell is available on Valentine’s Day? How is she begging me to go out with my husband that night, and not around any of the 4 random dates I’ve requested?? Why am I living this babysitting version of Murphy’s Frigging Law??
I swear. If this holiday didn’t at least guarantee me an excuse to stock up on gummy hearts and Red Hots and partake in a couple pink-frosted cupcakes, I’d totally make it my life’s goal to end it.
xoxo
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hazel had to do 25 valentines
I bet that’s going over REAL well with her.
she was actually really excited to do it! we split it over 2 days but she didnt complain at all! as for practicing her handwriting though thats a different story
You have my condolences on your allergy. That is very sad. And having your kids have that kind of reaction? Horrifying.
L had 12 valentines to do. After the torture of making him do them last year, where he refused to even stick one sticker on each one to personalize them a bit, I just went ahead and bought a pack of Toy Story valentines, wrote out all the names and L’s name and gave them to his teacher. He never even saw them.
Going out on V-day sucks donkey balls. All the restaurants have fixed menus, worse than normal food and crappy service.
The best part of V-Day is that all the fixed menus are chuck full of seafood apps with meat main courses and a molten lava chocolate cake for dessert. Exactly what a vegetarian who’s allergic to chocolate needs.
May you and your children get lots of conversation hearts this Valentine’s Day!
And may you get many chocolate Pop Tarts!
Chocolate Pop Tarts are my favorite. Good for breakfast, morning coffee break, afternoon snack, pre-bedtime choc. fix. Ok so I might have a tiny addiction. At least it explains why my hips are NOT tiny. They are on sale at Stop & Shop this week. Don’t worry the strawberry ones are probably on sale too.
I wish people Happy VD because this holiday is like a venereal disease. And I agree with the jewelry ad throat punches. Losers.
Agreed. It festers and clings and costs a lot of money to make go away.
OMG remind me not to eat chocolate or talk about chocolate when we go to Bloggy Boot Camp. I am so so sorry for your loss. (Of chocolate.) Please tell me you can eat cheese? Because fancy, expensive cheese and wine are just heavenly for me and sometimes – gasp – I’d rather cheese than chocolate.
Bug is almost 5 so valentines are magical for her. The making of valentines has taken over my dining room table but I don’t care – it keeps her quiet and happy for a while every single day. Boo likes covering white cards with stamps and stickers. Make those stamps and stickers pink and voila – valentines, albeit messy and ink covered. But whatever, she’s 2. Again, keeps her busy.
We never go out on Valentine’s Day. We stay home. Fancy wine. Fancy cheese. Fancy dessert. Good movie rental. Done and done.
In order to sustain some semblance of a happy life sans cocoa, I partake in the following:
Red wine, cheese, cake, beer, cheesecake, red wine, cookies, beer, hot cheesey Mexican food, Sangria, and dessert. Do not fret on my behalf. I’m doing ok.
Funny how kids differ. C hates handwriting homework but happily wrote out all 23 of his valentines in one sitting. A wrote out 32 + 3 for her teachers. She only had to put her name on them but still impressive for 3.5yr old. Now if they would only clean house with such enthusiasm.
I feel for you with the chocolate. I think I might curl up and die if I couldn’t have my daily mocha.
My kids spend all day writing their names and asking me how to spell stuff and showing me how to make the different letters. I was surprised at how bitchy they were about this assignment. Argh! Make something – just one thing! – easy for me please, kids.
“Every kiss does not begin with K. It begins with a box of zinfandel and him bringing home a dinner she doesn’t actually have to cook for once.”
Helllz yeah!!! Jewelry commercials generally make me want to poke out my eyes, but around holidays they just get to be too much.
I’m also not supposed to have chocolate. Not an allergy or anywhere near as serious as your family, but it’s relatively new and it’s all I want. Seeing it everywhere is not useful.
I have to work on V-day and then have an appointment. Hubby will be home with the kids, so that makes me smile a bit. But if supper isn’t ready when I get home, there will be some foot stamping, pouting and no putting out.
Seriously. All I want is for him to surprise me with a big bag of I Don’t Have To Cook Tonight.