I woke up this morning, as usual.
Took my shower, as usual.
Put on my sun block, as usual.
And noticed a new, peculiar spot on my right shoulder. My stomach clenched. I turned all the lights on, got close to the mirror. Squinted at it.
I took a close-up photo of it and compared it to those signs of skin cancer on the Skin Cancer Foundation’s website.
I looked back at photos of me to see if it was there before now (it wasn’t).
I told Hubby about it, had him look at it.
I made an appointment with Dermatology to look at it, and give me a full once-over at the first opening I could get.
I can’t help but be anxious about it. I am a fair-skinned girl whose Mom is currently kicking Peritoneal Cancer’s butt, my father died of Mesothelioma (Cancer) and also had skin Cancer a few years back, and all but one of his siblings had Cancer or died of Cancer. It is reasonable to be anxious.
But I am also optimistic. Hopeful. Expecting it to be nothing….a funny pimple or hair follicle gone wonky. Expecting the Dermatologist to huff at my wasting her time looking at it.
I can see it out of the corner of my eye, as I wear this spaghetti-strap tank top on this 98-degree day. But I won’t let it get me down. I won’t deliberately hide it from myself in a t-shirt on a day too hot for a t-shirt. I won’t let the anxiety become irrational. I won’t let it take over. I will not over-react.
I will look at it as a reminder. A reminder that we need to check ourselves out. Keep on top of our health.
A reminder that I need to get back to my book. My personal deadline to finish it is approaching quickly, and I haven’t written much on it the past 3 weeks due to travel and exhaustion and other lame excuses.
A reminder to enjoy my kids and my husband, because a peculiar little spot may most likely be nothing, but there’s always a chance it could also be something.
I’ll live my life, I’ll get it checked out, and I’ll pray and hope and mediate on the best.
Because sometimes a spot is just a spot. It’s up to me to make it a good spot, even if it isn’t.